I plan to have a good diet day………even though
Maybe even the exercise will work out, if I am not too tired after work. Quoting the Beatles…. “It’s just another day”.
Talked to my son yesterday. He was receptive. I asked him to leave our home 2 1/2 days ago. Ugly story. I hoped he would meet with me and found out that he would. I bought him a sandwich and soda. He hadn’t eaten all day. He is now enormously aware of exactly how much money and goods he has in the world. We removed all financial support, including that for college. He will need to work for now. It was astounding how much thinking he had done in 2 days. I said we were willing to help him with college someday, but not now. This semester is off the table.
My husband paid entirely for his own education and I paid for only a small portion of mine. I paid for my second oldest daughters based on grade proration, and she worked so hard. She graduated in the spring. I am proud of her. The oldest had a full ride scholarship and banged out a bachelor’s and master’s in 4 years, so she earned her way. I am pleased with her work and not so pleased with her moral choices. She shows such immaturity there. Most people here would argue those, I am sure, but I have very high expectations.
Anyway he plowed through all the stages
- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
- Anger (why is this happening to me?)
- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
- Depression (I don’t care anymore)
- Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)
as far as I can tell in 2 days. He appears to be at an unhappy acceptance. He is making plans to talk to the university monday morning and look for a job on the two days he has off next week from his summer work. Next friday we take back the use of our car, but he has one month’s rent (we had already paid because he was going to school : ( ), one week’s work money and some change from his summer work, and the town he is moving to is the college town. He is familiar with the town and it is very bike friendly as well as having a good bus system. He is able to work any hours he can get so I hope he won’t have trouble finding a job. We are covering his cell for now.
The whole tough love thing makes me want to hurl. I am doing my morning cry and then I will suck it up and go to part of a service and work. : (
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Wow! I have a hard time showing tough love now and my boys are 14 and 11. I hope it all works out for your son. Growing up and figuring it all out is so hard. I think especially on the boys. You hung tough. Good for you! I’m sure he will learn some valuable lessons.
I so admire your good sense. You obviously love your son enough to not take the easy road. The easy road is always the one that goes downhill. I have a grandson who is an only child, squeaked through high school, got a job…. quit, got a job, quit, moved back home…. finally got a job a good distance away and still drives 250 miles to come home almost every week….. Mommy and Daddy load him up with groceries, he does his laundry (mommy does if she’s off work) they pay for his car ins. (bought him the car) fill his tank with gas and buy his clothes. Now get this… they aren’t well off. Mommy works at a fast food restaurant and Daddy works at the lumber mill. AND he is 29 years old. (and still a whinny kid) And Grandma just bites her tongue. A lot. So, Good for you! You are doing an awesome job.
ps… his Mommy just can’t understand why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. She wants grandchildren. YIKES!
I don’t know your sons story, but I applaud you for doing right by him. If he is off track, subsidizing poor choices wouldn’t help either of you. I ope you are proud of yourself for choosing the hard right over the easy wrong.
Good job on the tough love. I have a 19 year old son (the baby) and we are at a similar point with him. I don’t give in and don’t hand him anything but his dad does. I wish my hubby would join me in my tough love. As long as he keeps handing our son is going to keep taking and he will never grow up!
Have a good one!
Hugs!
There is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said here…I am giving you a virtual pat on the back for doing what needs done!
Way to go. I’ve seen what letting them slide can do in my own extended family. It is way better to get straitened out sooner than later. Stick with it. It will pay off in the end.